Sisters in circumstance, conclusion

I'm hopeful that this week's study of Dinah and Tamar has sparked some thought, some insights, and perhaps been a call to action.

When we left Tamar, her brother had brought her to his home. If we keep reading in the chapter, we will see how he truly felt about the situation.

Two years later, when Absalom’s sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king’s sons to come to a feast. ²⁴ He went to the king and said, “My sheep-shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me?”
²⁵ The king replied, “No, my son. If we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you.” Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, though he gave Absalom his blessing.
²⁶ “Well, then,” Absalom said, “if you can’t come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?”
“Why Amnon?” the king asked. ²⁷ But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.
²⁸ Absalom told his men, “Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!” ²⁹ So at Absalom’s signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled.

He actually didn't take it lightly, as we might have thought. He was angry, but he was patient. He waited for two years, and then came up with a plan to have Amnon murdered.  So, Absolom was her kinsman redeemer. He "made things right" in the ancient way of thinking. He wanted to restore Tamar, and to vindicate her for the betrayal that she experienced.

Just as there are many parents, riddled with guilt for having allowed betrayal to happen, there are many "Tamars" in this world.
Who will restore them? Who will bring then out of desolation, and make them part of the family again? Has anyone approached them with words of comfort? Perhaps you and I know a woman who needs this restorative care . . . if not us, who will assure her that she can be loved? Who will tell her that her dignity can be restored, and that she can be the recipient of compassion, instead of lust? Who will tell her that her integrity can be pure again?  She needs to have a shoulder to cry on, and then hear "I don't condemn you."
What she really needs to hear is Jesus, saying "Come unto me." Come with your burdens, your grief, your broken heart. Bring me your wounds, your reproach, your self-loathing. I will bring you into a family where you will not be used, abused, betrayed, and I will guard and protect you.

We need to be advocates for these women. Yes, there are times when accusations are false. There are times when lies or false memories are aired. But if we pray for His wisdom, we will have more success than if we go it alone. We can offer them an end to their shame, and a cover for their past. A robe He gives, that will cover their scars.

In our world, it is Satan who wants to plot and scheme our demise. He wants also for us to keep our secrets well, secret! He counts on us burying them, and not letting them see the light of day. Or the light of God's love. But when we open up to God, and let His love shine on our secrets, we can have true freedom, and we can have life. We do not have to allow a past event to shape our lives any longer. That event doesn't have to define us, who we are, what we can do, who we can be. If we lay our secret at the foot of His cross, we can be restored. He is our kinsman Redeemer -- He wants to comfort and restore us, renew our minds.

He will wipe away all tears . . .

Sisters in circumstance

This week we are studying two women of the Bible, Dinah and Tamar.

In Dinah's story, her attacker wants to make things right -- he tells her brothers that he wants to marry her, that he loves her. In Tamar's story, her attacker is repulsed by her, and throws her out of his house.

In Dinah's circumstance, scholars actually differ on whether it was rape or whether the "shame" was that she had sexual relations before marriage. Verse three of the chapter has Shechem saying he was "drawn to her," that he loves her, and that he speaks tenderly to her. (A far cry from Amnon's behavior, right?) Jacob considers allowing the marriage, perhaps as an aid to social and economic progress in the land they were in. Her brothers feel otherwise, and deal deceitfully with the men of the neighboring tribe -- first telling them they must be circumcised, then when they are still in a great deal of pain (and obviously not at their best) they fight and kill them. Their vengeance will later cost them a blessing from their dad, but it is easily understood, as brothers often fiercely protect their sisters, and they thought that they were in the right.

Tamar's case is heart-wrenching. A lovely woman who was the daughter of the king, she was adorned in ornate robes and beautiful colors, and appears to have been caring and compassionate.
Amnon is following in his father's footsteps . . .
David gazed upon the beauty of a woman that should not have been his. So did Amnon.
David schemed to take her, to violate that woman. So did Amnon.
David used trickery to get what he wanted. So did Amnon.
Sin followed sin -- murder followed the sexual sin. Both times.

David was a pawn in his son's scheme. He unwittingly placed his daughter in a situation where she could be harmed. How many parents cry in the night because they have done this? This world is full of daughters who have been molested or raped, and parents who "didn't see it coming." David walked right into the trap, and didn't realize the danger. Tamar must have been sweet and caring about her family, for she readily consents to make him the cakes he requests. He sends out the servants and asks her to come in, to feed him the freshly prepared food. In her innocence, she is surprised by his demands, and says "NO!" As we read, we are sickened by what happens next. It's a story that many of us may be familiar with, or we may know of someone who is. How important it is, to comfort and come alongside those women, and to confirm for them that it's not their fault! Someone they trusted has betrayed them.

After he finished with her, he wanted her thrown out. I'm sure that she was still frightened, in pain, crying . . . She tears her lovely clothing and puts ashes on her head. She's been violated, disgraced, by one who should have cared for and protected her, a member of her own family. In the midst of her shame and disgust, Absolom finds her, and tenderly carries her home to his house. We may find it incomprehensible that he tells her "it's just your brother, it's no biggie" but how many times have we been in a horrific situation and blurted out something wrong? I personally can't judge him for that, for I've been at a loss for words before. However, I certainly am puzzled, even angered, at David's response. He is angry, but he does NOTHING.

Where is the king who executes judgements in his kingdom? Where is the father who will dab away her tears? Where is he when she needs a shoulder to sob on? Is he so convicted of his sins and his shortcomings that he cannot comfort his daughter? Did he think that by keeping silent, he would maintain "peace" in the family? In the commentaries, I don't see much of an explanation for his being silent. He is passive, and Absolom is in-restrained in his vengeance later.

For now, we see Absolom as he rescues Tamar. He takes her to live with him, and she is safe in his strength and protection. How refreshing! This is how a woman should be cared for -- and this is how we should comfort the broken among us! (To be fair, it does seem that he is making light of what happened to her . . . "Hold your peace....he is your brother...." But perhaps he was trying to tell her that he would protect her, re-instate her dignity. That this event, as horrible as it was, didn't have to define her life. She could, in time, move forward.) Maybe I'm way off base, but that is what I'm seeing. And that is what we must offer to women in our world, who are fighting these battles. A way to regain their self. Their pride. Their dignity. Their sense of worth. Only then can they move on, and live a full life.

Join us as we conclude our study tomorrow....

Sisters in circumstance

I almost feel like I should warn everyone that this week is going to be a tough one. It may very well be the most difficult study yet, in our women of the Bible series.

We will meet two women, who are sisters in circumstance. No, they are not really sisters, but they had the same thing happen to them. And we may want to cringe and look away, but it's important to look and learn.

Ready? These women are named Tamar and Dinah.
Both of them were forced to have sex outside of marriage. It's a harsh word, and we may not like to even think about it, but it's rape. It's the story of people who would not control themselves, and the consequences for them, and for their family. People may wonder why stories like this are included in the Bible -- the Bible is bold to show us examples of what "not to do!"

We will need to brush up on two passages of Scripture: for Dinah, re-read Genesis 34, and then for Tamar, read in II Samuel:

 In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.
² Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
³ Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. ⁴ He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”
Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
⁵ “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”
⁶ So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”
⁷ David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” ⁸ So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. ⁹ Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.
“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. ¹⁰ Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. ¹¹ But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
¹² “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. ¹³ What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” ¹⁴ But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
¹⁶ “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”
But he refused to listen to her. ¹⁷ He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” ¹⁸ So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. ¹⁹ Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
²⁰ Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.
²¹ When King David heard all this, he was furious. ²² And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (II Samuel 13)

What a clever fellow, cousin Jonadab.
Ugggh.
He tells Amnon that after all, he's royal, and he should have what he wants. Whatever delights the royal eye, should delight the royal flesh . . . oh boy. Doesn't that sound just like King David? He SAW Bathsheba, and he TOOK Bathsheba . . . and we will see the prophecy fulfilled:

                           Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house,
                           because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite
                           to be your own.’¹¹ “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your
                           own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your
                           very eyes .... ¹² You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in
                           broad daylight before all Israel.’” (II Samuel 12:10-12)

David could not control his own passions, and now he can't control his sons. Nor can they control themselves! David would not deny himself what was taboo; his sons will not deny themselves, either. Tamar's purity and virginity will be torn from her, all because of David's poor example.

This will be a story of a family defiled and torn. We'll see examples of how not to behave, and we'll see how Tamar and Dinah were avenged. It's a bumpy road. Hope you'll join us.