Proverbs 26:20-22 No fuel for the fire

²⁰ Without wood a fire goes out;
    without a gossip a quarrel dies down.
²¹ As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
    so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
²² The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
    they go down to the inmost parts.

My KJV translates the word "gossip" in these verses, as "talebearer." That conjures up a vivid image of a person who is busily moving from set of ears to another, carrying a tale that they want to tell. It may be something very private that someone confided in them. It may be a secret that will devastate the person when it becomes widely known.
Does the talebearer care?
No.
They are happiest when they are proving to themselves just how important they are, and how knowledgeable, because they know something that their hearer does NOT know, and they are puffed up with pride to be able to tell the story. You see, they justify their activities by telling themselves that what they are spreading around is true.
And, in reality, a talebearer is different than a false witness. A false witness is spreading lies. A talebearer is spreading things that you told them in private --- that you didn't want anyone else to know. They may even be telling things about you, that you had no idea they were aware of!
Proverbs 11:13 told us, "A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter."
But a talebearer or gossip can't keep the fire going if you remove the fuel . . . How do you remove the fuel? Refuse to listen to them. You can let them know by your body language, your facial expressions, and your words, that you are not going to play that game --- that you find their gossip distasteful and a waste of time. Christians should discuss confidences from other Christians only with them, in private, and with a good dose of prayer!
Now, you will need to be aware of one thing --- when you tell the talebearer that you don't want to participate in their sin, and that you won't listen, you may then become one of their victims. They may begin to tell tales about you.
But, refusing to listen to them will show everyone that you are more interested in keeping your testimony clean, than in hearing the latest dirt.

Proverbs 17: 7-9

Hello Ladies! Just to minimize confusion to our newcomers, this is Tonya and I will be your leader this week. 

Open your Bibles to Proverbs 17 and let's dig! 

I gave you three verses to read today; so after you have read them to yourselves, I would like to focus on verse 9. Do you know what the verse is talking about? Read it again if not. Uh oh! Gossip and slander. A favorite topic among us women, I know!

I think all of us have been hurt by gossip at one time or another. We probably have even hurt someone. Sometimes entire nations get out of control about their gossip. 

An example: President Lincoln's grave has been re-opened twice...just because of rumors spreading across the nation that he wasn't really dead. The first time was in 1887--twenty two years after he was killed. Fourteen years later...same reason. Rumors spreading the nation that he wasn't really in there. Couldn't even believe it the first time! Of course, Lincoln isn't the only. I mean--Elvis sightings have gone on as long as I can remember practically. And we live in Jesse James territory. Guess what? Yep...he had to be dug up too because people rumored that he wasn't there.

Oh these are just silly little rumors that didn't hurt a soul, but we all know there are rumors that have very badly hurt others. I was trying to think of a rumor that has hurt me; and here is the most recent that I can think of: When my ex husband and I separated, my deacon took it upon himself to write me a very hurtful letter accusing me of having an affair, among other things. He did not check with our Pastor first (who I'd been in counseling with through the entire process). This deacon I had known for years. His wife and I had a quilting group at the church. But he started a rumor weed...and it grew and I had to leave the church. Incidentally, I even showed the letter to my then estranged husband and he was very angry as well. He knew that the things written about me were not true. So, yes, I was deeply, deeply hurt. But God had plans for me, and I found an even better church, so it was all good in the end. For me at least. I don't know about that deacon. We've not spoken since. 

On the subject of gossip, Bill Gothard gives us 5 questions to ask before listening to a negative report from someone. These would be good to jot into your journal to remember.

1. What is your reason for telling me? Widening the circle of gossip only compounds the problem. 

2. Where did you get your information? Refusal to identify the source of information is a sure sign of an evil report. 

3. Have you gone to those directly involved? Spirituality is not measured by how well we expose an offender but by how effectively we restore an offender (Gal. 6:1). Satan will sift you like wheat. 

4. Have you personally checked out all of the facts? Even facts become distorted when not balanced with other facts or when given with negative motives. 

5. Can I quote you if I check this out?