More thoughts on forgiveness

I surely hope that y'all don't think that this week, I'm striking a deceased equine repeatedly...... (Grin) My grandma would have said, "Don't beat a dead horse!"

I don't mean to bore you.
I certainly don't mean to offend.
But the Holy Spirit gave me just a few more thoughts to share this week. Hope that's OK!!

Are we overcomers?
Do we contain, in our earthly vessels, the spiritual quality of forgiveness? Forgiveness is a way to overcome..... to overcome anger, to overcome bitterness, to overcome pain.
We've all struggled with this in one way or another. Getting over being hurt can be truly difficult. But there is a large but subtle difference we need to see -- while it is easier to be bitter than to forgive, it isn't easier ON us. It's just easier FOR us.
What is easier ON us, is being able to forgive! And that will take love. Love inspired by His wondrous love for us.

So, step one in this process of overcoming is this: love has us covered.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  (I Peter 4:8)

Right off the bat, first and foremost, however you want to express it, Peter is saying that "Hey, this is important!" What follows those words? "Love."  Paul says almost the same thing in I Corinthians 13.... he talked about being able to do some wonderful things, but if there was no love there as a motivating factor, it wasn't worth a plug nickel, as my grandma used to say.
Peter also says to love "deeply." Other translations say, "fervently" or "intensely." I kinda think that is important. Why? Well, our anger, and hurt, and unforgiveness for someone can be pretty intense, too! So our love needs to be intense for us to have overcoming forgiveness.
What does he say next? "Covers a multitude of sins." I don't think he means to shrug them off. To say, "no big deal." To gloss over sins. What I think he is saying to us is that in order to forgive, we need to choose our battles, so to speak. Not make mountains out of molehills, and have unforgiveness in our hearts for small reasons.
So, to bring all the horses into the corral, Peter wants us to love each other, and to love deeply. He seems to imply that the greater the love, the deeper the forgiving spirit, since love can cover a multitude of sins.
Here is the latch on the door of the corral: the stronger that I love someone, the more I will fight to work through the offense and place it firmly behind me. It's simple -- I will cherish the relationship more, and then work harder to make sure nothing jeopardizes it!

Oh. But there's the rub.
When someone we care about deeply is the one who sins against us, doesn't it hurt that much more? Think about it..... it's true. The pain is deeper, the closer we are to someone. We're more likely to harbor resentment and hurt. It's different when a stranger hurts us -- we can easily dismiss it, because they don't mean as much to us. But when it's someone we love? It cuts more deeply.
Very, very true. But it's the love we have for them, and God's love for us, that will together form the foundation for our being able to show overcoming forgiveness. In the heat of the moment, our pain won't let us think, "Hey, I want to resolve this!" but deep down, we want it to be fixed. And it's that moment when we let love override our pain, that we are in a position to forgive:

Hatred stirs up conflict,    but love covers over all wrongs. (Proverbs 10:12)

You know what happens if you have a fire and you blow on it with an old fashioned bellows? You give it more air....you feed it. It gets bigger! What about if you threw on some dry leaves, kindling wood, or a pine knot? Yep, it gets bigger still. That's what happens in our lives, when we feed conflict with anger, bitterness, and resentment. It's fueled, and gets even bigger. But when we smother a conflict with forgiveness, just like like smothering a fire with a blanket, the fire dies out.  Love can put the fire out.

We'll continue these thoughts next time....

Friday slowdown

I hope this song blesses and inspires us....

Wondrous love inspires forgiveness, keeping on

We've been looking at some practical questions; practical matters to do with forgiving others and ourselves. The next question is one that some people differ about....

Do we need to tell the person, "I forgive you."?
Well, yes and no.
Obviously, if they have asked for our forgiveness, and we intend to forgive them, then we should definitely respond with "Yes, I forgive you." But what about those times when we have been hurt by thoughtless comments? Or when someone's unkind actions have hurt us? What about that?
I'm thinking that most of the time, it really isn't helpful to tell them we forgive them -- because a majority of the time, we would be picking a fight!  That person may not know they hurt us. They may reply, "I didn't do anything for you to forgive me for." Or they may say, "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to you!" I guess the best thing is to remember that our forgiveness doesn't depend on them.....we don't need their permission. We don't even need for them to agree that they have hurt or wronged us. We just forgive them. We choose to. And then we move on with our lives.

Some people may say, well, then, how do we forgive them if they don't confess? They say, that last paragraph, where you say you just choose to do it.....that's hard for me.
Ahem.
It's difficult for all of us.
What about when people do not, or will not, or cannot, own up to what they did to us? I mean, after all, we live in a cruel world, and it is filled both with good people and with mean people. We all know that there are people out there who will stomp on us and then walk away laughing. (And they will come back and do it again and again, too.)  Perhaps we have a relative who abused us and who has never admitted it. Perhaps the hurtful people have moved away. Perhaps the hurtful people have died.....
John Calvin may have lived and written four hundred years ago, but I truly believe that he was writing from experience when he addressed this: he said there are two kinds of forgiveness. The first is the kind where the person who was wrong admits it, comes to us and asks for forgiveness, we grant it, and the relationship is restored. Wow! That's the best kind. There is healing there for both.
But Calvin noted that in this world of sin, the ideal isn't always possible. Sometimes people won't admit their guilt no matter what -- they will lie to cover it up; they will cut off the relationship; they may even keep right on hurting us.
What's a believer to do?
Calvin said that we forgive in that situation by letting go of the anger. Turning loose the bitter feelings. Refusing to let the hurt dominate our lives. While it's true that the relationship will remain broken, we can wipe the slate clean. In that way, we keep our lives free from bitterness, and we don't keep living in the past as far as that person or relationship is concerned.
It's not easy.
I don't mean for anyone to take that away from our study. It's not at all easy.
Some people don't know what they're doing. Some know quite well. They just don't admit it.

The heart is deceitful above all things,    and desperately sick;    who can understand it?  “I the Lord search the heart    and test the mind,to give every man according to his ways,    according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

God looks into everyone's hearts and souls, and if we are wondering why someone does what they do? Even when it makes no sense? Trust that God knows. We can place our trust and faith in His hands.

Last question for our study: What about the feelings of anger that keep coming back into my head and my heart? Oh, what a common problem this is! When we are hurt deeply, or when we are repeatedly mistreated....
I love reading in the writings of Corrie ten Boom. Here is a story from her pen:

.....some Christian friends who wronged me in a public and malicious way. For many days, I was bitter and angry until I forgave them. But in the night I would wake up thinking about what they had done and get angry all over again. That memory just would not go away. After 2 sleepless weeks, help came in the form of a Lutheran pastor to whom I confessed my frustration. He told me, “Corrie, up in the church tower is a bell that is rung by pulling on a rope. When the sexton pulls the rope, the bell rings . . . ding-dong, ding-dong. What happens if he doesn’t pull the rope again? Slowly the sound fades away. Forgiveness is like that. When we forgive someone, we take our hand off the rope. But if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for awhile. They’re just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down.”

Even after we forgive someone, the memories can keep coming back.....but if we refuse to dwell on them; if we ask Him for help in letting them go, they will slowly fade away.

Do you recall the story we started out with? The story of Graham Staines, the murdered missionary, and his wife, Gladys?
She told someone, "I've heard many stories of people who have come to Christ after seeing the way that I have accepted it all. I heard of someone in a neighboring region who was witnessing to a man, and the man asked, "Is this the same Jesus that she (Gladys Staines) believes in?" The believer answered him, "Yes, it is." The man told him, "I want to know that Jesus."

Lord, help me to be an example that points others toward You!!

(We'll finish up this study next week.)

Wondrous love inspires forgiveness, continued

We're studying this week about forgiveness. We've noted that if we are going to be generous with our forgiveness for others, we need to gratefully receive God's forgiveness.
It might be important for us to continue building on the foundation of the last two days, by looking at some practical matters.....

First, how do we know for sure we have forgiven someone?
Really, truly forgiven them.
I think about it this way......if we no longer think about it at many times, day or night; if we no longer feel like we need to talk about it; if we no longer are tempted by thoughts of revenge; if we no longer are living in bitterness or in anger; or (and this one is the biggest one) if we can recall those who hurt us and can wish them well.

Wow. Tall order, huh?
The only way to do it is to ask for (and rely upon) the Holy Spirit's help.
So, then, is forgiveness an event? A one-time thing? Or is it a process?
Both. (Grin)
We can consider it an event, because we must at some point decide to forgive. And, then it is a process that often must be repeated over time. (Remember those verses yesterday!)
A third practical matter....... Some people will mouth the words "I forgive you," and then they will craftily manipulate people. They will make them feel guilty, and then use that feeling.
But wait!
Forgiveness is not a tool for manipulating people into having a good relationship with us, or for doing things for us, or anything like that. No one can be forced to reconcile with anyone else. Reconciliation must come from a heart that is prompted by the Holy Spirit.....in fact, when we get right down to brass tacks, as my grandma used to say, there are three very, VERY good reasons to forgive, and they have NOTHING to do with the other person!!

You may recall these from our verses yesterday:
Forgive others because God has forgiven us.
Forgive others because God commanded us to do so.
Forgive because it's good for our heart, soul, mind, and body.

Any other benefits (like a happier relationship with a friend, or anything like that) are just the frosting on the cake of forgiveness. It's really nice, but it's not a necessary part of the recipe!

Now, that brings us to another practical matter: does forgiveness always lead to reconciliation?
Nope.
It's like two different animals that are related but not the same.....ummm, like a spider monkey at the zoo, and the occupant of the next enclosure, a marmoset. They are related, but they're not the same.

Forgiveness is one thing, and reconciliation is another. To have reconciliation, we must first have forgiveness, but we don't need to be reconciled to forgive someone. See, forgiveness depends on us. Reconciliation depends on both people...... it implies repentance, forgiveness, restoring of trust, and probably a passage of time. Often reconciliation is not possible.

Here's another practical matter: What about when someone (maybe us) says "Well, I can forgive him/her, but I just can't forget!"
Nodding your head here?
Have you heard it before?
Have you said it yourself?
It's a very common problem! I mean, we can all understand that God forgets our sins when He blots them out, puts them behind His back, stomps them, and then casts them into the depths of the sea:

I, even I, am he who blots out    your transgressions, for my own sake,
    and remembers your sins no more. (Isaiah 43:25)

Surely it was for my benefit    that I suffered such anguish.
In your love you kept me    from the pit of destruction;you have put all my sins    behind your back. (Isaiah 38:17)

You will again have compassion on us;    you will tread our sins underfoot    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)

I love it when the Bible is so descriptive!!
Ahhh, but He can do that....He is God, and has the power to do those things. But we're not God.... quite often our painful memories and hurts can return to haunt us.

Hmmmmm, let's explore this. We have trouble forgetting. Perhaps we do need to be inspired by our Father God Who actually forgets nothing!! He never forgets anything!
Wait a minute...... didn't I just contradict that verse up there? Nope.
Look at this.....God is speaking here:

Then he adds:“Their sins and lawless acts    I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17)

"I will remember no more." That means He is choosing not to remember our sins!! The God Who knows all, and is all powerful, is choosing not to remember our sins. We've mentioned that forgiveness is a choice that we make; it's not a whim, a passing notion; it's not how we feel or what mood we happen to be in.
And it doesn't mean that we somehow wipe clean our minds so that there is no record of what happened. Forgiveness means that we choose not to remember it.  There is a pretty big difference in remembering something, and in dwelling on it.  We probably can all remember things in the past that have really hurt us deeply.
Forgiveness means that we choose not to dwell on those things. It also means we choose not to hold a grudge against someone who has wronged us.
Oh, that's a tough one.

I heard a great illustration one time.....I'll close today with this: Clara Barton was the founder of the Red Cross in America, and one day was talking with a friend. The name of a mutual acquaintance came up, and it was a person who had done mean things to Clara some years earlier. Clara's friend asked her, "Don't you remember when she did that to you?" Clara replied, "No, I distinctly remember forgetting about that."

Mic drop.
More tomorrow!

What are we listening to, today?

This week we are building.
Building the heart knowledge of forgiveness.... not the head knowledge. I expect that we all know in our heads that we should forgive others, right?
But it's not that easy, sometimes.

In fact, sometimes it is really, really difficult.
What is the foundation of our offering forgiveness to others? To ourselves?
Let's listen today to what the Spirit wants to tell us....

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)

 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."  (Matthew 5:23-24) 

Our lives will be blessed through forgiving others. And our lives will also be blessed when we seek forgiveness from those we've hurt or harmed.
And the lives of those other folks may be changed, as well.....sometimes forever!

So many verses about forgiveness -- are we listening to the Spirit today?

Wondrous love inspires forgiveness

One of the amazing results of God's wondrous love for us is that we can learn to forgive others. I don't mean to be flippant, but think about it: if He forgave us as freely as He did, shouldn't that inspire us to forgive others? Each day we rise with renewed determination to be more like Him.....

Lately I have given a lot of thought to the concept of forgiveness, and I prayed about if it might be a good thing for us to study. We're coming up on the Advent season, and I believe the Spirit would have us focus here.....to focus first on forgiving those who may be unbelievers, then on forgiving brothers and sisters in Christ, and lastly on forgiving ourselves. I hope you will stick with me as we study!

Probably most of us will never be forced to endure the type of situation that missionary wife Gladys Staines has dealt with. Her story truly gives us pause to think, to consider, and then to think again. Almost thirty years ago, the Staines family was ministering in India with people who suffer from leprosy. Gladys and Graham (he was a 34 year veteran of the mission field) had come from Australia to bring the Word of God to the people at the leper colony, and had been conducting open-air meetings in a nearby village. Graham and his two sons were asleep in their vehicle, and a group of militant Hindus soaked the vehicle with gasoline and set it afire. They went even further than that -- they prevented onlookers from rescuing the missionary and his sons.

The horror of the killings spread and called attention to the increasing violence against Christians in India. But the witness of Staines' widow, Gladys, has called attention to the power of God's love and forgiveness. Here are Gladys' own words:

 "When Christians show that they are determined to continue in their faith, when people see that believers have a peace that others don’t have, and when people see a complete lifestyle change on the part of believers, they start asking, "What is this all about? We’ve taunted you and done this and done that, and still you stand here for Christ. Tell us what it’s all about.
After Graham’s death, everyone expected me to go back to Australia. They also expected me to take the bodies back and bury them in Australia. It never occurred to me to do such a thing. Graham and I would rather be buried in the country where we were serving. So we buried them in the cemetery at the leprosy home.
It is a tremendous witness now, as people come to the cemetery. We’ve got a gravestone inscribed with "Where, O grave, is thy victory? Where, O death, is thy sting?"
When I was explaining to my daughter that Graham and the boys had been killed, we agreed that we would forgive those who did it. And I can say from my own experience that forgiveness brings healing."

To me, that is amazing.
To some, it may even sound too good to be true.
How can someone just make up their mind to forgive another person, or a group of people?
Especially when they have killed your family?

I've come to believe that forgiveness is similar to love.... it is a choice, not a feeling. I believe that we choose to forgive or not to forgive. And forgiveness is not always fair, by our human, earthly standards.
We know that the Bible encourages us to forgive. Urges us, exhorts us. But that's head knowledge, right? And what about when our hearts are hurting?
I found a quote that I'd like to share as we start our study.....this if from the book, "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey:

"At last I understood: in the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy” (page 93)

Humanly speaking, forgiveness is hard for us. We are angry. We are hurt. We are sad. We want to see that other person suffer in our way, and in our timing, but as Yancey noted, forgiveness is really an act of faith in a loving God.

Are we intrigued? Is this a concept that we think we already know about? Are we ready to embark on a study that may change the way we think about forgiveness? I hope that you'll join me next time.

Thanksgiving week - the truly rich

Do we consider ourselves rich? Or poor? Do we struggle to make ends meet, or are we comfortable?
So many of us are wealthier than we realize. When we compare our lives with those who truly don't know where the next meal is coming from, or even if there will be a meal, we are blessed beyond measure. When we snuggle under our quilt and sleep, there are many who shiver under cardboard.

Christ told us that the poor "would always be" with us, and He commanded us to tend to His lambs. James' letter encourages us to pay attention to those who are in need of food or clothing. Poverty was a crippling thing in the time of the New Testament church, and it still is now. We should look for ways to assist those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 9 As it is written:“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;    their righteousness endures forever.”
10 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. 11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
12 This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. 13 Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God.... (II Corinthians 9:7-13a) 

Wait a minute. This is good. This is right. But are we missing something?
Should we be concerned about the rich, too?
Quit shaking your heads.....I'm not totally bonkers here!
Jesus said that it's very difficult for the wealthy to enter the kingdom of heaven. He said that those who love their life too much find it hard to lose it. James reminded his readers that it was the rich who dragged them into court; and the word "miser" is the root of the word "miserable."
The love of money isn't just the source of evil, but it can contribute to depression and dissatisfaction as well!

Doesn't that mean that the rich have just as many spiritual needs as the poor? Who will tell them of Christ? Who will train them to cheerfully give their wealth to others? Who will teach them to stop keeping score in who is richer than whom? Who will urge them to help at the soup kitchens? To assist with a clothing drive?

Imagine with me, if you will, how many millions of people will be making a trip this week, home to family and friends. A turkey or ham in the middle of the table, and wonderful side dishes surround it. There will be many who talk about their lives and share and catch up....they'll focus on what they do to keep their lives going and cover up that big unfulfilled whole inside of them.
Some will spend a few minutes at the table saying how thankful they are; that they are glad to have their health; that they are glad to be with family. Then they will eat their meal, stare with glazed eyes at a football game, or fall asleep. Some may try to avoid certain hurtful subjects, get annoyed, or even have a row and shout at each other.

Or, if we are truly rich, there will be genuine thanks,heartfelt prayers, true giving, and worship of the Father God Who has blessed us so abundantly.

although saddened, we are always glad; we seem poor, but we make many people rich; we seem to have nothing, yet we really possess everything. (II Corinthians 6:10) 

I'd like to challenge all of us this week (including our friends in other countries....I know that this is the United States' Thanksgiving week, not y'alls!) to take the love of Christ with us to the poor and to the ones who seem wealthy. While you're all together, figure out a way that your crew can do something for the impoverished. Find a soup kitchen and help serve a meal. Go through the closets and find warm clothes and blankets to donate. Take a stint at a bell-ringer post and wish everyone a Christ-filled Christmas. Go through the pantry and pull together the largest donation you can for the local community assistance group.  While we're at it, this makes an excellent time to share our testimony of love, redemption, and blessings from Jesus.

I promise, our Thanksgiving will not only be full of good food, and warmth, but also full of comfort, peace, and joy in our Savior.

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;    let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving    and extol him with music and song. For the Lord is the great God,    the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth,    and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it,    and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship,    let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God    and we are the people of his pasture,
    the flock under his care. (Psalm 95:1-7)

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! We'll be back next week for more studies!