Wondrous love inspires forgiveness, continued

We're studying this week about forgiveness. We've noted that if we are going to be generous with our forgiveness for others, we need to gratefully receive God's forgiveness.
It might be important for us to continue building on the foundation of the last two days, by looking at some practical matters.....

First, how do we know for sure we have forgiven someone?
Really, truly forgiven them.
I think about it this way......if we no longer think about it at many times, day or night; if we no longer feel like we need to talk about it; if we no longer are tempted by thoughts of revenge; if we no longer are living in bitterness or in anger; or (and this one is the biggest one) if we can recall those who hurt us and can wish them well.

Wow. Tall order, huh?
The only way to do it is to ask for (and rely upon) the Holy Spirit's help.
So, then, is forgiveness an event? A one-time thing? Or is it a process?
Both. (Grin)
We can consider it an event, because we must at some point decide to forgive. And, then it is a process that often must be repeated over time. (Remember those verses yesterday!)
A third practical matter....... Some people will mouth the words "I forgive you," and then they will craftily manipulate people. They will make them feel guilty, and then use that feeling.
But wait!
Forgiveness is not a tool for manipulating people into having a good relationship with us, or for doing things for us, or anything like that. No one can be forced to reconcile with anyone else. Reconciliation must come from a heart that is prompted by the Holy Spirit.....in fact, when we get right down to brass tacks, as my grandma used to say, there are three very, VERY good reasons to forgive, and they have NOTHING to do with the other person!!

You may recall these from our verses yesterday:
Forgive others because God has forgiven us.
Forgive others because God commanded us to do so.
Forgive because it's good for our heart, soul, mind, and body.

Any other benefits (like a happier relationship with a friend, or anything like that) are just the frosting on the cake of forgiveness. It's really nice, but it's not a necessary part of the recipe!

Now, that brings us to another practical matter: does forgiveness always lead to reconciliation?
Nope.
It's like two different animals that are related but not the same.....ummm, like a spider monkey at the zoo, and the occupant of the next enclosure, a marmoset. They are related, but they're not the same.

Forgiveness is one thing, and reconciliation is another. To have reconciliation, we must first have forgiveness, but we don't need to be reconciled to forgive someone. See, forgiveness depends on us. Reconciliation depends on both people...... it implies repentance, forgiveness, restoring of trust, and probably a passage of time. Often reconciliation is not possible.

Here's another practical matter: What about when someone (maybe us) says "Well, I can forgive him/her, but I just can't forget!"
Nodding your head here?
Have you heard it before?
Have you said it yourself?
It's a very common problem! I mean, we can all understand that God forgets our sins when He blots them out, puts them behind His back, stomps them, and then casts them into the depths of the sea:

I, even I, am he who blots out    your transgressions, for my own sake,
    and remembers your sins no more. (Isaiah 43:25)

Surely it was for my benefit    that I suffered such anguish.
In your love you kept me    from the pit of destruction;you have put all my sins    behind your back. (Isaiah 38:17)

You will again have compassion on us;    you will tread our sins underfoot    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)

I love it when the Bible is so descriptive!!
Ahhh, but He can do that....He is God, and has the power to do those things. But we're not God.... quite often our painful memories and hurts can return to haunt us.

Hmmmmm, let's explore this. We have trouble forgetting. Perhaps we do need to be inspired by our Father God Who actually forgets nothing!! He never forgets anything!
Wait a minute...... didn't I just contradict that verse up there? Nope.
Look at this.....God is speaking here:

Then he adds:“Their sins and lawless acts    I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17)

"I will remember no more." That means He is choosing not to remember our sins!! The God Who knows all, and is all powerful, is choosing not to remember our sins. We've mentioned that forgiveness is a choice that we make; it's not a whim, a passing notion; it's not how we feel or what mood we happen to be in.
And it doesn't mean that we somehow wipe clean our minds so that there is no record of what happened. Forgiveness means that we choose not to remember it.  There is a pretty big difference in remembering something, and in dwelling on it.  We probably can all remember things in the past that have really hurt us deeply.
Forgiveness means that we choose not to dwell on those things. It also means we choose not to hold a grudge against someone who has wronged us.
Oh, that's a tough one.

I heard a great illustration one time.....I'll close today with this: Clara Barton was the founder of the Red Cross in America, and one day was talking with a friend. The name of a mutual acquaintance came up, and it was a person who had done mean things to Clara some years earlier. Clara's friend asked her, "Don't you remember when she did that to you?" Clara replied, "No, I distinctly remember forgetting about that."

Mic drop.
More tomorrow!