Wondrous love inspires forgiveness, keeping on

We've been looking at some practical questions; practical matters to do with forgiving others and ourselves. The next question is one that some people differ about....

Do we need to tell the person, "I forgive you."?
Well, yes and no.
Obviously, if they have asked for our forgiveness, and we intend to forgive them, then we should definitely respond with "Yes, I forgive you." But what about those times when we have been hurt by thoughtless comments? Or when someone's unkind actions have hurt us? What about that?
I'm thinking that most of the time, it really isn't helpful to tell them we forgive them -- because a majority of the time, we would be picking a fight!  That person may not know they hurt us. They may reply, "I didn't do anything for you to forgive me for." Or they may say, "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to you!" I guess the best thing is to remember that our forgiveness doesn't depend on them.....we don't need their permission. We don't even need for them to agree that they have hurt or wronged us. We just forgive them. We choose to. And then we move on with our lives.

Some people may say, well, then, how do we forgive them if they don't confess? They say, that last paragraph, where you say you just choose to do it.....that's hard for me.
Ahem.
It's difficult for all of us.
What about when people do not, or will not, or cannot, own up to what they did to us? I mean, after all, we live in a cruel world, and it is filled both with good people and with mean people. We all know that there are people out there who will stomp on us and then walk away laughing. (And they will come back and do it again and again, too.)  Perhaps we have a relative who abused us and who has never admitted it. Perhaps the hurtful people have moved away. Perhaps the hurtful people have died.....
John Calvin may have lived and written four hundred years ago, but I truly believe that he was writing from experience when he addressed this: he said there are two kinds of forgiveness. The first is the kind where the person who was wrong admits it, comes to us and asks for forgiveness, we grant it, and the relationship is restored. Wow! That's the best kind. There is healing there for both.
But Calvin noted that in this world of sin, the ideal isn't always possible. Sometimes people won't admit their guilt no matter what -- they will lie to cover it up; they will cut off the relationship; they may even keep right on hurting us.
What's a believer to do?
Calvin said that we forgive in that situation by letting go of the anger. Turning loose the bitter feelings. Refusing to let the hurt dominate our lives. While it's true that the relationship will remain broken, we can wipe the slate clean. In that way, we keep our lives free from bitterness, and we don't keep living in the past as far as that person or relationship is concerned.
It's not easy.
I don't mean for anyone to take that away from our study. It's not at all easy.
Some people don't know what they're doing. Some know quite well. They just don't admit it.

The heart is deceitful above all things,    and desperately sick;    who can understand it?  “I the Lord search the heart    and test the mind,to give every man according to his ways,    according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

God looks into everyone's hearts and souls, and if we are wondering why someone does what they do? Even when it makes no sense? Trust that God knows. We can place our trust and faith in His hands.

Last question for our study: What about the feelings of anger that keep coming back into my head and my heart? Oh, what a common problem this is! When we are hurt deeply, or when we are repeatedly mistreated....
I love reading in the writings of Corrie ten Boom. Here is a story from her pen:

.....some Christian friends who wronged me in a public and malicious way. For many days, I was bitter and angry until I forgave them. But in the night I would wake up thinking about what they had done and get angry all over again. That memory just would not go away. After 2 sleepless weeks, help came in the form of a Lutheran pastor to whom I confessed my frustration. He told me, “Corrie, up in the church tower is a bell that is rung by pulling on a rope. When the sexton pulls the rope, the bell rings . . . ding-dong, ding-dong. What happens if he doesn’t pull the rope again? Slowly the sound fades away. Forgiveness is like that. When we forgive someone, we take our hand off the rope. But if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for awhile. They’re just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down.”

Even after we forgive someone, the memories can keep coming back.....but if we refuse to dwell on them; if we ask Him for help in letting them go, they will slowly fade away.

Do you recall the story we started out with? The story of Graham Staines, the murdered missionary, and his wife, Gladys?
She told someone, "I've heard many stories of people who have come to Christ after seeing the way that I have accepted it all. I heard of someone in a neighboring region who was witnessing to a man, and the man asked, "Is this the same Jesus that she (Gladys Staines) believes in?" The believer answered him, "Yes, it is." The man told him, "I want to know that Jesus."

Lord, help me to be an example that points others toward You!!

(We'll finish up this study next week.)