Snow treasures - Communication

We're talking this week about communication. Here is our passage:

Like apples of gold in settings of silver    is a ruling rightly given.  Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold    is the rebuke of a wise judge to a listening ear.  Like a snow-cooled drink at harvest time    is a trustworthy messenger to the one who sends him;    he refreshes the spirit of his master.  Like clouds and wind without rain    is one who boasts of gifts never given.  Through patience a ruler can be persuaded,    and a gentle tongue can break a bone.  If you find honey, eat just enough—    too much of it, and you will vomit.  Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—    too much of you, and they will hate you.  Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow    is one who gives false testimony against a neighbor. (Proverbs 25:11-18, emphasis mine)

Monday's foundational comments for this week's study may have raised some eyebrows. (Grin) The point I tried to make is that for many reasons, good communication is difficult in today's world. But that doesn't make it any less important!  We need to find ways to communicate effectively. It's our "job" so to speak, to be that messenger to those who've not heard, or who've not responded to our Lord and His saving grace. It may be necessary sometimes to convey a positive message, and other times a dose of instruction may be needed. If we are going to explain, to persuade, to instruct, to encourage, or to correct, we need to do all with clarity and with graciousness.

Our passage contains several proverbs and I'd like to look at how they are "laid out." We can easily see that they are comparisons, but my commentaries noted that the writers lay out two similar concepts so that we can look at them and consider the connections between the two. We are forced by the comparison to stop and think; we savor the wisdom there. I love to read these and enjoy the suggestive imagery.....the beautiful images that come to mind, drawn from nature. Golden apples, the refreshing coolness of the snow, and the thoughts of wind and rain all work together. These proverbs are memorable, and that makes them ripe for memory work, too! These are particularly great for memorizing, and allowing them to dwell in our minds and change our outlook.

So, let's dive into verses 11 and 12!
These two verses encourage us to speak at appropriate times - to know when to exhort and when to reprove. Ooooh, that's a fine line. Let's see if we can glean some guidelines here.... in verse 11, the writer notes the value of wise speech. "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." He is drawing a comparison between the fine craftsmanship of an ancient jeweler and appropriate words. The gold and silver can be crafted into beautiful things, but it requires the time and the talent of a fine craftsman to make it so. The jeweler who patiently takes the metals and casts or works them into fine artwork is using his experience and his skills, and is focused on the end result - a thing of beauty.
So, we too should use our experience and skills, and rely on the Spirit. If we are focused on keeping our words appropriate for the time or situation, and choosing them well, we will have good results, as well. The writer is celebrating well chosen words as though they were objects of fine art, and truly, the right word is often a gift to the hearer. It requires God-given wisdom. We need to pray about how we speak to others.
Nowadays, gold is either what jewelry is made of, or it's collectible coins that people hide away for their retirement. Years ago, the monetary system in the US was based on what was called the "Gold standard." This simply meant that all currency issued had to be backed up by gold. These guidelines helped in many ways, however, in 1933 the country abandoned the gold standard and the government was free to print as much money as it pleased - since it no longer could be redeemed for gold. Of course, this has paved the way for inflation and a host of other problems.....but I digress.

God's Word supplies us with guidelines that serve much the same purpose for believers that the gold standard did for the US currency. There are many references for the right use of the tongue in our Bibles.
Words can be used for evil or for good. Harsh words, once spoken, cannot be recalled, nor seldom forgotten. Helpful words left unspoken are simply wasted opportunities!
Are we applying God's "gold standard to our words?
Are we using words of anger, criticism, gossip, or deceit? These can destroy relationships.
Are we using words that are gentle, kind, encouraging, and comforting? These can build friendships.

But wait!
Sometimes an appropriate and well timed word needs to be a reproof. A rebuke. Oy vey. Nobody really likes conflict, right?
But that IS what verse 12 talks about.....
And a reproof can be a very positive use of speech, as long as it is motivated by wisdom and love.  The one who offers wise reproof bases it on God's wisdom, revealed in Scripture.  It's not based in personal feelings. It's not offered in the heat of the moment. It's carefully thought out and the words are well-chosen. Then it can be attractive to the hearer, and it can be valuable as well.

This reminded me of a strategy that we taught our kiddos, perhaps as a life skill or a good way to handle possible conflicts. We said that if you needed to say something that could be perceived in a negative light, to "make a sandwich." The first layer would be the bread -- you could say something positive about the person, his or her efforts to make something happen, whatever. The middle layer is the reproof, or constructive criticism. The final layer is the other piece of bread -- something else positive about the person, or the problem solving strategy.
Now, I'm not saying that this ALWAYS works. (Grin) The pairing of the two pieces of jewelry in our verse seems to me to point to the fact that we must have a listening ear at the other end of the reproof. A wise word does very little good without a receptive ear.  As I have mentioned before, there are many peeps in today's world that simply cannot get their heads around the fact that there are human beings who disagree with them or who would correct their errors. Some of them also cannot fathom the fact that they could be wrong, or would need to apologize.
But that's another post for another day.....
Today's post is simply pointing out that well-chosen words (even if they are rebuke or reproof) are very valuable. And if we have hearts that want to obey the Lord, we will receive the word of a wise reprover just as gladly, with just as much appreciation, as we would receive that golden jewelry! We support and strengthen one another in the family of God by giving both encouragement and reproof.

The sandwich concept, I guess, is just another way that we should "accentuate the positive" and use well-chosen words in our communication. Let's pray that God will help us increase our witness for Him by the words that we speak.