Sin resulting from anger is devastating. So much so, that Jesus equated anger with murder in one of his teachings.
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell." (Matthew 5:21-22)
Some of the rabbis and teachers of the day were saying that yes, it's terrible sin to murder someone, but it's okey dokey to be angry at them. Jesus here is saying in effect, not so fast! God looks at the heart -- and anger is the attitude behind murder. Use that Aramaic term of contempt, and you are showing that attitude of anger. Anger, if you follow it out, leads to murder. So when you are angry at someone, in God's eyes it is like murder.
Now, they got all bent out of shape about these "radical" concepts, but let's think about them . . . we all know our own hearts, right? Can we just take a moment and think about the last time we were selfishly angry at someone -- didn't we begin to have negative thoughts about them? At the very least, we probably wished we would not have to see them or talk to them anymore. We may have indulged in some thoughts of their moving out of town. Or maybe we said negative things about them to someone else. If we are really mad, filled with that sinful, selfish anger, we might secretly hope that something happens to them "to serve them right;" maybe they get in trouble at work, or even lose their job; maybe they are ill or in a car accident.
Oy vey.
Say it ain't so . . .
Out of anger, we are wishing harm on another person. And murder is the ultimate form of wishing harm on them. That is what our Savior was saying there -- and if we are honest with ourselves, we know it's true. It may have been a long time since that happened. But don't get smug! We can fall into the trap any time!
It's easy, too, to let go of our self-control when we are angry -- this can lead to disastrous results! Many people don't really understand this. We may know someone, or maybe it's us, who has a problem with anger. Do we think it's best to just blow up and be done with it? That way we get over it quickly? Well, a cannon does the same thing -- it blows up and gets quiet again pretty quickly. But there's a lot of damage left behind!
In years past, we were told not to "hold it in," but to let it out. Go with your emotions. Put it out there. Just let go. But did you know that psychologists are now saying that it's not a good idea? That researchers are finding the freely venting our anger corrodes relationships as surely as when battery acid gets on our coveralls. (Grin) Venting actually breeds more anger, not less! Now, isn't that interesting? Seems like our Bible says something about that, if they'd just take the time to read it . . . .
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Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end. (Proverbs 29:11)
A recent study was quoted as finding that when we are in an argument with someone, the tone and anger that usually develops from an argument is kept to a minimum if just one of the two people consistently maintains a calm tone of voice. Let's put it this way: if one of the people remains in control, both people remain more calm. Hmmmmmmm. Haven't we heard that before, too?
Psssssssssssssstttt! Hey researchers! Check this out!
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
Since we've found such good advice on arguments, let's see if we can find some instructions on how to keep our anger from becoming sinful.
Let's go back to our ole buddy Paul . . .
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
Seems like Paul is telling us to get rid of our anger. Quickly. I believe that is what he is saying when he tells us, "don't let the sun go down while you are still angry," or in another translation, "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." Now, if we took him literally, this time of year I guess we have lots more time to argue, fume, and fuss . . . after all, we just had our longest day of the year about a week or so ago. (Grin) In the winter, if we take him literally, we have far fewer hours to be working through our disagreements - the sun goes down much earlier!
What, then, is he really saying? I think he is pointing to the principle that it's good to try to get rid of our anger as soon as possible. No holding a grudge. No brooding about what someone else said. So, I guess that getting rid of it by the time we go to bed is a good rule of thumb!
I do want to make one thing clear, though. Paul is not saying that we can allow our anger to spill over onto someone else as long as we take care of it by nightfall. He's not saying "here's your carte blanche; you can blow up and vent now. Just get it all out before bedtime." When we vent our anger there are consequences. When we rage at someone, so much damage can be done . . . if we lose control and allow our anger to explode, people usually get hurt. If a husband or a wife blows up and says harsh things, the injured spouse can find it difficult to fully trust again. An apology can clear the air, but it can't take back the words ringing in the spouse's ears. If a parent vents their frustration at a child, there's no telling whether or not that child will internalize and believe those words of anger. It can change a life.
Paul's advice here is to be angry, but don't sin. By getting rid of our anger as quickly as possible. Remember the old game of hot potato? Well, anger is indeed a hot potato! Toss it away quickly! Instead of blowing up, it's better to go to the person with whom we are angry. Make a pact to speak in whispers if need be. (Grin) Admit where we are wrong. Try to understand the other person's point of view. Be the first to offer forgiveness. And to ask for forgiveness.
Yeah. I know.
This is all easier said than done.
Sometimes we just have to wade through it like fording a rising creek. Some couples (and some parents and kids, too) have put in place rules of engagement! No name calling, don't use the words "always" or "never." Don't bring up the past, but stick to the problem of today's argument. No interrupting, and take turns listening -- to do this, make it a rule that only one person speaks at a time. Some families have a "wand" or "power stick" that gets passed around. Only the person holding the wand can talk!
To make our long story short, if we want to keep from sinning when we are angry, the first thing to do is to make sure we don't prolong it: be reconciled to the person with whom we are angry.
We'll continue these thoughts tomorrow......
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