Growing in discernment, continued

This week, we'll continue and conclude our study of growing, not stagnating, in our walk with Jesus Christ.
Before our "spring break," we discussed how we need to pursue the gift or skill of discernment; this is much the same as wisdom. It's being able to prayerfully consider things and allow the Spirit to help us make judgments on whether something is good or evil, godly or ungodly, and truth or error. We discussed how we need to avoid making "snap" judgments about people's motives, and that we also need to deal with issues of sin in our own lives. Additionally, we should approach things with an attitude of humility, and seek to restore the person who is wrong to a right relationship with our Father and with other believers.

In conjunction with that humility, we need to add a liberal handful of love to the recipe. Let's say that you have observed an issue in someone's life. You have prayerfully considered it and also searched the Bible to make certain that you are looking at the issue as the Father does. Now it's time to pray, asking that God not only prepare you for what is ahead, but also to cleanse your heart from sin issues that would harm your testimony.

Then, there's one more thing. We need to examine our hearts and make sure that we counsel others with love.  You see, if we don't have a sacrificial love that seeks to provide the best for others, and seeks to nurture the best of others, then we should not bother to share our message of discernment. It won't matter what we are sensing, or how wrong something is, nor how badly it needs "fixing" -- if we can't have love for that person we're talking to, it's not going to work.

If that's the case, the solution is to get on our knees before God and ask Him to give us an undying love for that person, for that child of His. And until we have a perspective of love and compassion for that person, we need to keep our discernment to ourselves!  It's just common sense; if we share what God has given us without compassion, and without a heart of love, people's lives can be destroyed. No, I'm not kidding. It's that serious. When it comes to sharing insights that the Spirit has given us, we often make the message the highest priority; it's love that should have the highest priority.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. (I Peter 3:8)

There is probably not much that can damage a person more than a word given without love. If we can't look at a person with love, then we must keep our thoughts, our discernment, to ourselves.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (I Corinthians 13:13)

When love is part of the equation, we will focus on the power of a growing relationship, not on being right, or being knowledgeable, or being someone else's conscience. The greatest of these is love.

Another thing that will help us with our growth in discernment is to be self aware. I'm not trying to delve into the realm of counselors and therapists, here, just speaking about using common sense. If we are going to help others with our wisdom and discernment, being self aware will be of great benefit.
Self awareness really means that we have a solid understanding of who we are, and of how we relate to others and to the world. Now, this means that we will be mentally and emotionally present in situations - we won't be sleep walking through life -- and we will take the time to understand how our words and actions affect others. Many of us walk around with no idea of how we "come across" or how we are perceived by those we interact with. And those interactions can affect others in either positive or negative ways! Some of the people we talk to or try to help are a bit intimidated - they don't want to start a conflict, so they don't tell us if their feelings are hurt. Some are just annoyed with us; they still don't say anything. We can go on for years having no idea of the effects we are leaving behind us, like the wake of a moving boat.

Are we able to look carefully at ourselves? Do we listen sometimes to our own voices, to see if we are comforting or critical, soothing or strident, compassionate or callous?
If, after examining ourselves, we see that there are problems, how do we improve? Take a leisurely look again, after some interactions with others. See if there are things that we did to "push someone's buttons" or to start an argument . . . or even to prolong a long-standing disagreement.
If someone blows up at us and it seems to be totally unprovoked, take a moment and see if we were insensitive, or if something we said pushed them toward resentment. Sometimes it can be simply the tone of our voice -- it can sound nagging, or perhaps condescending. That's why we must not only pay attention to our words, but to how those words sound.

When we do have an argument, we must listen closely to what our friend may be telling us. It's oh, so hard sometimes to hear negative things about ourselves, but if our friend is hurt, we may have done something without even realizing it. Listen closely to them! We need to slow down and ask our friend to share their frustration with us. Unless we are willing to do that, we may never learn. When our friend is finished speaking, be gracious and think about it for a while. Go back over the attitudes that we have had toward them, and see if perhaps we were not quite as good a friend as we thought we were....

One caveat here - self awareness is important as we learn how to share our discernment and wisdom, but we must balance it. The time spent in self-reflection should be to determine how our actions affect our friendships. We should not go so far as to act like a martyr, or to take the blame for everything.  Keep away from the far ends of the pendulum swing: one end says it's all our fault, and the other end says it's all their fault. The truth is usually somewhere in between! Understanding our role as discerning believers and acknowledging what we do wrong (and what we do correctly) will help us keep a harmonious life, and allow us to help others with our wisdom.