A roadmap for elders - what about the kids!

 

OK, this post may cause some discussions, and that's actually a good thing! Let's get started on our verses:

namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of indecent behavior or rebellion. (Titus 1:6, NASB)

We've been studying the qualifications for elders (overseers, leaders) in the church, and this verse has certainly caused a lot of debate. Some people have used it to say that elders MUST have children, but I Corinthians tells us that it's possible for singles to be godly leaders and mentors, too. 

The Greek word that the NASB translates "believe," and the ESV, NIV translate as "believing," is also translated "faithful" in the New King James. And we are not sure if it applies to children who are still living under dad's roof, or if it applies to adult children, too? 

There is no shortage of opinions on the interpretation!   John MacArthur, who famously fought the closure of his church during the pandemic, writes that if one of a man's children (in the home or an adult) is not a believer, the man should not be an elder. There are not as many people who feel that way, though, as those who feel that it only applies to children in the home -- and that it means the children are faithful and not in open rebellion against their dad. 

The view that all of a man's children must be Christians is uncomfortable for some because it puts on the elder the responsibility for his kids' genuine conversion. That seems to negate the idea of free will, and an adult child's belief or non-belief is pretty much beyond anyone else's control, even the parent! 

There have been many godly men who set good examples for their kids, and tried conscientiously to make sure that the children knew the concepts of sin and redemption. In spite of this, the children have rebelled against God. There are other examples, but one is Eli in I Samuel. His sons were very wicked, in spite of their father's godly ways. (Now, the scripture also says he knew about his sons' behavior. Eli rebuked them, but then he looked the other way, but that's a story for another time.)  

Some will chirp Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Oh, yes, lots of people like to look at other families and make their own judgments, don't they? I even had that quoted to me some years ago . . . but I digress. They feel that if a child goes astray, it means that the mom and dad failed. 
But I think that is a over-generalization drawn from the verse!

The Proverbs are sayings about life. And generally, it's true, that if you train a child properly, she or he will grow up to follow the Lord. But there are, as we saw earlier, exceptions. And one never knows the end of the story, either - a child who has his or her "roaring twenties" might repent of those sins and become a spiritually mature person in their thirties, forties, or even later. As important as parents' examples and training are, salvation is a supernatural act of God in redeeming a soul. He absolutely uses godly parents in the process - but no actions on the part of a godly father can GUARANTEE the salvation of all of his kids.

I hope that this part of our study has answered some questions and helped a little. I believe Paul is telling Titus to look carefully at a man's relationship with his kids. Does he show them an example by behaving in a godly manner at home? Does he pray and read the Bible with his children? If this is the case, most of those kids will come to believe in Jesus as their Savior. If all or most of the kids are unruly, disruptive, rebellious, and rejecting God, then there is something wrong. There's a disconnect and he is probably not the best choice for an elder. If most of the man's children follow Christ, but one goes astray, it should not automatically disqualify the dad as an elder. 

So, whatever view you believe, Paul's instructions are clear: an elder needs to be a godly husband and father. If he is not successful at managing his home life, then we should not expand his responsibilities to include the family of God. We need more "one-woman" men, and we need more godly, mentoring dads as elders!