Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Proverbs 19 : 13 - 14 I am a Nag

OK, ladies, today we have a survey for you to take. The results of this survey will not be published; you will be the only ones who know your own results.


Question #1: Have you ever asked your husband to do something  --- repeatedly? Like, shall we say, several times daily?
Question #2: Have you ever made a list of things that you would like for your husband to do, and posted it prominently -- in a place in your home where he can't possibly fail to see it? Several times daily?
Question #3: Have you ever asked him to do something, and then when he doesn't complete the task in the time you feel it should be done in, have you sighed (loudly) and done it yourself? And made a fair amount of noise doing it, so he will be sure to note that YOU are doing it, when you asked HIM to do it?

I must confess, that in the thirty-four years that I have been married to my Mr., I have indeed used all of these tactics on him at least once. My hand was raised, ladies. I am a nag.

Now, that's not to say that I still use these strategies. I would like to think that in those years, I have grown up a little, but hey! I'm human, and I am still tempted to do those (and worse) in order to get my way!!

With as many wives as Solomon had, I expect that he thought he was an expert:

Pro 19:13  A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Pro 19:14  House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
A continual dropping . . . like a drip from a leaky faucet . . . we all know what Chinese water torture is, right?  Personally, I think that nagging can be one of the most toxic things in a relationship. You know why I know this? Because I am a Type A personality, and I am married to a laid back, mellow kind of Mr.
For years I would be channeling my inner Martha, and bustling around doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., and not make much time for him. I allowed it to be very obvious that I thought I was doing the right thing, and that I sure. Would. Appreciate. Some. Help. Did I get it? Yes. Was it cheerfully given? Not so much.
However, when I changed my tactics (this was due to conviction and scripture reading, girls, not a self-help marriage manual) and began to take time to sit down with him and focus more on what he was paying attention to, and genuinely enjoy spending time with him, things changed. He became much more attentive to things that I wanted to focus on, and more cheerful about things that I thought were important!
In the second verse there, "prudent" has several synonyms listed in my study notes: intelligent, wise, skilled. Hmm, I like the sound of that, don't you? And if I model those traits instead of nagging, then my Mr. will have cause to thank God that he has me!


Anonymous said...

I am nor have ever been able to be a nagging wife! My husband is not one that response well to be told to do something. In return, in all of our 36+ years of marriage he has never once critized my housekeeping, even when I haven't done dishes in 2 days and there is no underwear for him. LOL He would just run a load and never say anything, and does not pout!!! All these qualities he has toward me has made it easy for me to not nag him. He also gets around to going things in his timely manner. So if the grass gets high or a door knob fell off, I just leave it and I know he knows, so it is up to him at that point. He is not a to do list kind of guy, and I do not take over where I know he can do it...like the grass and fixing the garbage disposal. Sometimes I've waited up to 4 years for something, but then again, who cares anyways, because as long as we are both happy with the way we treat each other on the whole, I can put up with NO TILE on around the bathtub for 4 years!!! LOL


Belinda said...

Well Cathy, we must be married to brothers. Ha! My husband will not tolerate nagging. Never has in all our 35 years of marriage. I learned a long time ago that you ask once, and he will do it when he gets good and ready. Absolutely no to-do lists unless he makes one for himself.
Every once in a while, if something is really pressing, I'll start it myself without saying a word. He usually takes over pretty quick. (unless it's wallpapering the dining room. LOL)
And no, he has never complained about how I go about my duties as a wife. What a blessing. It makes me want to do more for him and keep things up better.
Great post Jacque!!!