I Peter 3:1-6, conclusion

DISPATCHER: CALLING ALL BELIEVERS!! CALLING ALL THOSE WHO WISH TO INFLUENCE OTHERS AND HELP BRING THEM TO CHRIST!

Today we are finishing up our study, and we have a few more ways that we can behave "attractively" so that unbelievers are drawn closer to our Lord and Savior. These are things that Peter wrote to wives of non-Christian husbands, but we've seen all week that they can apply to everyone who wants to be an effective witness for the Lord.

One such positive behavior involves a gentle and quiet spirit. What do we mean? What did Peter mean? He says that such a spirit is precious in the sight of God. Well, the word "gentle" is sometimes translated "meek." It doesn't mean weakness or our being spineless -- it refers to strength under control. The modern day thesaurus included "serene" as one of the synonyms, and I believe that is a very good one. If we have a spirited and strong horse that is responsive to the signals from its rider, we say he is "gentle." So it refers to a Christian woman who is not selfishly asserting herself, but who yields her rights without yielding her strength of character.
By the same token, "quiet" doesn't mean non-communicative, but rather tranquil and calm. Not defiant. Not combative. A quiet Christian woman is known for her confidence in her role and in her own gifts.  She's not anxious to prove anything because she is quite secure in who she is in the Lord. She can be "quiet" and still be articulate and persuasive. But she doesn't demand her own way. This woman is a stark contrast to what our culture perceives as a "strong woman," eh?

Doing what is right is another behavior that is attractive to unbelievers (verse 6). This occurs in the context of others doing wrong toward us. Our behavior shouldn't be determined by how others treat us, although all of us have probably fallen into that trap before. We are so prone to react to wrong treatment with more wrong behavior, and then blame our own sin on the other person! But God wants us to be prepared to respond to wrongs by doing what is right.
Let's say our husband is yelling at us. (They don't actually do that, do they? ) Or let's say our boss is angry about some perceived problem and the decibels are rising quickly. If we yell back, or if we become defiant to our boss, we are adding fuel to the flames. But if we calmly respond, "I can understand that you are upset. What can I do to help solve this problem?" then we have reduced the fire to a weak smolder. We have de-escalated it, and we may be able to help resolve the issue at hand, without losing our witness for Christ.

Peter also mentions that we should emphasize the inner person over outward appearance. Now, this doesn't mean that we should neglect our appearance, but that we should value the inner person more than fancy, outward adornments. The attractive character qualities that we have been studying are things that get even better with age. Inner beauty is attractive even to an unbeliever, and it enhances our outward appearance, too.
As we draw our study to a close, we can see that Peter is saying a Christian woman should live so that an unbelieving husband, or friend, or associate is attracted to Christ by her beautiful behavior.

Now, a couple of questions that we should cover, before we move on to next week's study.... these are practical questions, and need our thoughtful consideration and prayer. I expect that these may spark some discussion....

First, we touched on the fact that a difficult husband may abuse his wife. Peter mentioned "Even if any of them are disobedient to the word," and I believe he wasn't just thinking about nice peeps there. I would step out on a limb and say that there may be some verbal abuse that a wife must endure (though some of you may take issue with me here) from a husband, when she has accepted Christ and he has not. But if the unbelieving husband begins to harm her physically, then I believe she should call civil or church authorities. This is proper. They may even need to separate in some cases to protect the wife while the husband gets his temper under control. But the end goal should be for the husband to be saved, and for the marriage to then be preserved. That Christian woman must still display that gentle spirit we have discussed.   Peter's words, "without being frightened by any fear" seems to mean that a woman should not fear intimidation more than she fears God. If her husband (or anyone else) tries to frighten her into giving up her faith, she must stand strong in the Lord.

Secondly, should a wife submit to a husband who asks her to do something wrong? I know that some people believe that because Sarah went along with Abraham's sinful schemes to pass her off as his sister (he did it twice!), that wives should obey their husbands even if they are told to do something sinful. No!! That would be a violation of what we have studied before: we must obey God rather than men....

Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!"  (Acts 5:29, NIV)

I believe that Peter's words in verse 6 show that he is not condoning sinful behavior in the name of submission..... but again, if we must disobey in order to obey God, we can do it in a gentle and quiet spirit. We can calmly explain that we respect (and love, if it's a husband) and want to please the person in authority, but it's far more important to obey God.

Lastly, should we confront another person's sin?  In other words, is there a proper place for "tough love" regarding an authority figure? Wellllllllllll, yes, but we must be extremely careful. (Grin) Love seeks the highest good for the one who is loved, and sometimes that means confronting sin. But that doesn't mean jumping on every sin as if we are the Holy Spirit!  As my grandma used to say, you can attract more flies with honey -- not with vinegar! If we must confront, we should do it in as appealing a way as possible...... we want to make it obvious that we really care for that person. We can say that we value the relationship but that the sin is harming that relationship, or it's harming us. If we present it in a loving manner, we will get farther.
Of course, not every discussion will have a happy ending. It may be that we simply need to make it a matter of fervent prayer, and allow our Father to work in the person's heart. Tough as that may be for us, I believe it is the way the Bible tells us to handle things.

Our overall goal as believers, as Christian women, should be to behave in such ways that we help to attract others to our Savior. Perhaps these verses should make us hold up a mirror to our lives and ask, "Is my behavior attractive? Appealing? Does it make others want to follow my Lord Jesus Christ?"

(Don't worry.....we'll be discussing the husbands' roles and responsibilities next time!)